


Stupid Brains and Garbage Dicks

by Sinsinead



Category: Big Mouth (Cartoon)
Genre: Big Mouth, D/s, Degradation, Dirty Talk, F/M, First Time, Humiliation, I'm going to hell and dragging you all with me, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, Vaginal Fingering, Voyeurism, a lil bit a plot, oc basically finds out shes into douchebags, spitting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-01-24 18:08:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21342487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinsinead/pseuds/Sinsinead
Summary: Iris Foreman-Greenwald is desperate to lose her v-card, and a certain someone is of course there waiting till she gets just desperate enough. But after a weird party hook-up she discovers a side to her that's a little too into the douchey way he treats her.
Relationships: Judd Birch (Big Mouth)/Original Female Character(s), Val Bilzerian/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 52





	1. The Cliche Thing

**Author's Note:**

> hello friends. so here we find ourselves. watching some fucked up cartoon about children jerkin it and thinking 'wow i really wanna fuck that sociopathic side character.' well my brain gave birth to this monster and i sure am going to hell for it.  
this is just gonna be like a series of this oc fucking my fave two side characters and also no one has a garbage dick i just love that quote.  
i know most of yall are here for judd which is gonna be the main romance so ill put a * next to the chapter where that starts so you can just skip to there if you dont care about val smut.

Iris tapped her fingers impatiently on the car door. "How are we not there yet?"

Leah chuckled. "Relax, junkie. You'll get your fix."

The blonde pulled over, snagging some street parking only a couple houses down from Noah MacDell's house. She stopped to check herself in the rear view mirror, Iris on the other hand hopped right out of the car and lit a cigarette. She have been craving one for hours due to the stress of arguing all evening. Her parents would kill her if they caught her smoking, they were horrified even at the idea of her eating non organic cafeteria food. Not that it mattered much, she was always getting in trouble for one thing or another. Tonight the charges were why was she wearing lipstick if she was _just _going to Leah's for the night.

"I didn't even think she'd notice my lips but of course this bitch has a sniper's vision. Caught me right on my way out the door." She chose a deep mocha colour, a few shades darker then her skin, it matched her eyes perfectly.

Leah made her way over and they started walking. "I mean she _was _right about the party." Forever the voice of reason.

Iris Tucked a loose black curl up into her white bandanna she wore practically every day. "Yeah but I'm not gonna let her know that. It's so shitty, why can't I just go to a party? she thinks I can't fucking handle myself."

Another blonde appeared on her other side, though this one was much taller and hairier. "Ugh your mom is so lame." Drawled Lorraine, her hormone monster.

"I swear they want me to be a weird nerd like Missy."

Lorraine nodded and stuck her bottom lip out in a pout. "So lame! You showed them by storming out. Sooo cool." She giggled, a sound Iris was all too familiar with.

Leah gave a sympathetic smile. "They're just looking out for you. But tonight you don't have to think about any of that, just get super drunk and hook up with some cute guy."

She ignore the monstress' intensified giggles, they both knew how much she wanted to hook up with someone that night. She leaned her head on her best friend's shoulder. "Thank you for driving tonight, I need booze in my life right now. And you need a little Daniel in yours. You have to make a move tonight."

"Ugh I want to! He's so fucking hot when I look at him I just want to puke everywhere."

"Hey I'm sure people feel like that about you too, you definitely make me wanna puke everywhere."

Leah elbowed her as they climbed the entryway steps. Iris slipped another smoke in her mouth. "You go on ahead."

"Gross, see you in there."

She took a drag and exhaled slowly, savouring the nicotine knowing her parents would be keeping an even closer eye on her after all the drama earlier.

"Got a light?"

She jumped, too in her own head to notice someone standing right beside her. "Jesus!"

It was Val Bilzerian, in his usual red hoodie and too tight black jeans. The corner of his lip curled up. "Did I scare you?"

She turned away. "No."

"No light or no scare?"

She shut her eyes, not in the mood for his shit. "No and no."

"Interesting, I was gonna offer to slit this but if you don't have a light." He held up a joint.

She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "What's in it?"

"Just weed, I swear." He held his palms up defensively.

She lit it and they smoked in silence for a few minutes, his predatory gaze never leaving her.

After enough she muttered thanks and made to go back inside but he blocked the door. "You'll be bringing the goods next time, right?"

"There isn't gonna be a next time."

He smirked and leaned in close. "How'll you be repaying me then?"

She could smell his body spray, it was way too strong. For some reason that pissed her off even more. "How about I repay you with this." She slid her middle finger into the few inch gap between their faces. "I can't afford it all at once but I'm sure we can work out a payment plan."

Val chuckled darkly and licked the length of her finger.

"What the fuck?!" She shoved past him into the crowded party, wiping her hand on her green boho pants.

Lorraine hopped out from a nearby closet. "Eeeew that was super yucky but also... kinda hot." She giggled.

Iris threw her hands into the air. "What are you talking about?! He's nasty!"

She twirled a piece of blonde hair around a perfectly manicured claw. "Yeah totally nasty, he'd probly get jizz all in your hair. So annoying."

The black haired girl dipped a red cup into a punch bowl sitting on a nearby table and downed half of it in one go. "I don't want his jizz on any part of my body!"

"You're right, it's totally better to cum inside-"

"What is _wrong_ with you?!"

She put her hands on her hips. "Um more like what is wrong with _you_? We've been making out for years, girl, time to get some dick in you. I thought you woulda lost it by now."

She looked around nervously, forgetting for a moment that no one could hear them. "I'm just scared, people already think I'm a slut for making out with some people."

Lorraine grabbed her my the shoulders. "Like, who even cares? You're flicking it like three times a day. I know there's a little nympho somewhere in there buried deep, deep, _deep_ down. You just need the right man to dig it out... with his cock." She erupted into a fit of laughter.

Iris finished off her drink and filled the cup again. "You know what, you're right! My mission tonight is to find the right cock!"

Three cups of "punch" later she had tracked down Leah and the two were in the middle of a game of 7 minutes in heaven. Leah was sulking because Daniel had ended up in the closet with Tallulah Levine. Now it was Iris's spin.

"Oooh who's it gonna be?" A clearly drunk Lorraine sang from behind her. She spun the bottle.

_Don't do the cliche thing._

_Don't do the cliche thing._

It did the cliche thing.

Val sat a few people over with a grin Iris could only interpret as pure evil. The bottle was pointed right as him.

"I'll just respin real qui-"

Daniel wagged a finger at her. "Ah, ah, ah. We must honour the rules."

Val shrugged and made his way to the closet in such a nonchalant way, as if he hadn't just been felating her finger an hour ago. She gave in and walked to the closet, he stood in the doorway making her press past him to get in. The door shut and they stood in the darkness. The floor creaked under him as he moved closer.

"Hey! Stay on your side." She snapped.

"What if my side moves into your side and then we can both go anywhere we want?" She heard him step again, she could feel his body heat now.

"I just want to get through the next six and a half minutes without getting fondled, thanks." She rolled her eyes, not that he could see.

He chuckled the same way he did before. "I won't fondle you." Suddenly his lips were grazing her ear. "Until you beg me to." A shudder ran down her spine and deep into her core. Lorraine banged on the door and giggled hysterically.

She pushed him away. "Fuck off!"

He sounded irritated now. "Damn, I don't know what I did for you to be such a bitch."

Her tipsiness cracked her cold facade. "It's not you. Actually it's a little bit you, you're really annoying. But I've just had a rough day." She felt so airy from the drugs and alcohol. "Jesus fucking Christ I don't know why I'm telling you this but I was trying to loose my virginity tonight."

"You're a virgin?" She was glad he couldn't see her face.

"Don't act so surprised."

"Holy shit, I've heard so many stories about what a great lay you are, I swear I've seen you make out with half our art class at parties." He replied incredulously.

Her face grew hot. "That's just fooling around. I've never actually done _it._ And people are fucking liars. It doesn't matter anyway cause I got in a huge fight with my parents and I left and when I go back they're gonna kill me. I'll be chaperoned till after college, I'll be a virgin till I have grandkids." She couldn't believe she was telling all this to Val. _I must be more fucked up then I thought._

"So why are you so upset to be in here with me? Cause you heard I get around? Cause I flirt a lot?"

She paused. "Oh god I'm-" 

He cut her off. "Cause it's true. That's the difference between us." He stepped closer again. "I'm definitely no fucking virgin. If I'm flirting with you, you'll be cumming on my cock soon enough." His voice was gruff and she could feel his breath on her face. "And if you wanna piss your parents off, I guarantee that fucking me is better than anything else your slutty little mind can think of." She felt so hot she might explode. She had never had a guy be so rude to her face, and it excited her. He could easily hear her shaky breathing but her brain was too far gone to focus on steadying it.

He reached a hand to the back of her head and took a fistful of her raven curls, yanking her head back.

"I told you, all you have to do is beg for it." He muttered into the side of her head, smelling her hair with a sharp inhale. Iris was more turned on then ever and he had barely touched her.

_Am I really about to lose my v-card to Val Bilzerian in a closet at a house party??_

"Fuck. Okay." She swallowed hard.

He tightened his grip on her hair. She whined, "Ah! P-please touch me, Val." Her cheeks felt so warm just saying that, why did it feel so amazing?

His lips came crashing into hers, tongue immediately forcing entry into her mouth. His hands were everywhere, flustering her. He slipped one down to the hem of her black crop top and pulled it up, exposing her bare breasts. She never bothered to wear a bra, too uncomfortable. He growled hungrily and kissed down her neck and chest, finding the ring in her right nipple, flicking it and massaging it with his tongue.

"Fuck! Val!" She hissed at the unexpected contact.

He moved his other hand down to her ass and squeezed hard. She unintentionally bucked onto his thigh and he chuckled. “God, you’re dirty.” He traced his finger slowly across her waistband and paused.

Iris leaned her shoulders against the wall behind her. “What are you waiting for? We don’t have much time.”

”You don’t sound like much of a virgin.” He taunted.

She grew impatient. “Oh shut up. You’re so annoying.”

He kissed her hard then spoke in a low voice that sent chills down her spine. “You do the talking then, if I’m so annoying.”

She let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “What?”

He dipped his hand into her pants and ran a finger over her fabric covered slit, she gasped.

”I want you to tell me how much of a depraved virgin you are. Tell me all your skanky thoughts.”

She was mortified. “Val-!”

Suddenly his middle finger was in her mouth, followed by his index finger. He pushed them to the back of her throat, earning a gag. “See, such a good girl, letting me finger fuck your mouth. So if you stop talking, I’ll stop touching.” He took them out and yanked her pants down to her knees and started rubbing at her through her underwear, making her even more wet.

”Fuck that feels so good, Val.” She breathed. He pressed himself up against her harder, his solid body pinning her to the wall. She ran her fingers through his silky hair and gave a soft tug making him grunt softly. “I’ve been imagining this for so long, I’ve been so fucking horny. Just-ah!” She moaned when he slipped his hand under the thin fabric and started circling her clit. “J-just thinking about who was gonna fuck my virgin pussy.”

Iris couldn’t believe the things she was saying out loud, the heat in her stomach was growing unbearable. “You’re dripping wet.” He muttered into her neck before biting down. She yelped and hoped that no one could hear them.

She bit her lip, part of her was ashamed to stoop to his level, but a larger part of her was so pent up she’d do anything he wanted for release right now.

”I’m wet for you, Val. I want you so bad, it’s making me crazy.”

Without warning, he plunged a finger deep inside her. Her body tensed instinctively but quickly relaxed as he set a steady rhythm. She could feel how hard he was against her leg, she moved her hand down between them and started rubbing his erection. He cursed under his breath and began grinding into her palm.

”Nnh! Don’t stop!” She felt like she was in a sauna. He added a second finger and sped up his pace, his other hand found her clit. “I’m almost there!”

”Not yet.” He growled in her ear. “I’ll tell you when.”

She was trembling all over, she wasn’t sure that she could control herself, it was all too much. He didn’t slow down or stop, she whimpered helplessly.

”Tell me how much you love this.” He demanded.

”I fucking love it, please-“

“Promise you’ll save that virgin pussy for me.”

She nodded, forgetting that it was pitch black. “Mmm it’s all yours!”

He curled his fingers inside her. “Cum, slut.”

Her orgasm washed over her in warm waves, she buried her face in his chest to muffle her groan. He kept his fingers pressed deep in her the whole time, curling and uncurling them, prolonging this as long as possible. It was then that she heard Lorraine’ incessant laughter from the other side of the door. Val removed his fingers and put them to her lips again, probing for entry. In a haze she licked her own juices from his fingers.

“Fix your clothes, we’ve got like fifteen seconds on the clock.”

She swore and pulled her pants up and adjusted her shirt. All she could do was shove Val away and hope it looked like nothing happened. She rubbed her eyes as the light peeked in through the crack.

Iris walked out, trying to put on a show of wanting to be out of there as fast as possible. Then in front of all the onlookers, Val slapped her hard on the ass causing a round of murmurs. She buried her face in her hands, she knew her cheeks must be beet red. 

Lorraine purred beside her. “How was iiiiit?”

“We didn’t do it!” Iris hissed, marching out of the room in embarrassment.

Lorraine pouted. “Whaaat? You’re still a virgin?!”

Before she could reply her phone buzzed. A text from Val read; “You better keep your promises.”

All she could do was stare at those words.

_What have I gotten myself into?!_


	2. Home Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling strange about how things were left off with Val, Iris tries to take control of the situation.

It had been about a week since the party and she had been avoiding any contact with Val, not that he was trying that hard in the first place. He hadn't texted her anymore and had only given her a few cocky looks from across the cafeteria. Nevertheless, she still avoided him in the halls and sat as far from him as possible in the couple classes they had together. Rumours had of course spread throughout school about whatever people assumed had happened in that closet, "slutty Iris" strikes again. The only one she had actually told anything to had been Leah, who had been given a slightly censored version of events.

The bell had just gone in last period and Iris met up with Leah now at her locker. The blonde was fuming.

"High school boys are the _worst_. Dylan in bio would not stop making threesome jokes about us. I swear if Mr. Sommers hadn't of told him to shut up I was about to knock him the hell out." She shook her head.

Iris shrugged, "Fuck 'em. I'm over the drama, trying not to care what people think."

"Hm, very big of you." Leah said skeptically.

"What?"

"Have you talked to Val at all?"

"Ugh!" Iris walked ahead so Leah couldn't see how flustered the topic made her.

"I'm just saying, if you don't care what people think you wouldn't be so awkward around him. It's kinda obvious." She caught up as they pushed through the doors to the student parking lot.

"We just left it in a super weird place. I don't know what to do."

"I mean are you into him? He's slimy but I won't judge, girl."

Iris took out a cigarette. "He's kind of a prick but, damn he knew what he was doing." She exhaled and winked at Leah who giggled.

"Wanna grab a smoothie?" She asked

"Can't. Gotta pick up my lame sister from school. Plus my parents aren't letting me go anywhere without them for the next two weeks." Iris replied bitterly.

"That sucks, see you tomorrow then." She waved and headed over to her car.

By the time Iris arrived at Bridgeton Middle school most of the kids had already been picked up. Missy was standing outside uncomfortably talking to some kid with spiky black hair. Spotting her beat up grey 2001 Impreza, Missy hurried over and hopped in the back seat. The boy she was talking to sat on the curb and looked lonely.

"That your boyfriend?" Iris teased.

Missy frowned and frantically replied, "No! that's just Jay. He's in my grade."

"Why's he look so sad?" He seemed familiar.

Missy winced, "His Mom forgot to pick him up again. He insists that she'll be here, but this happens a few times a week."

Iris remembered suddenly where she had seen him, at Leah's house. He was one of her little brothers friends. Jay Bilzerian. An idea sparked.

She rolled down the window and shouted. "Hey kid, get the fuck in the car!" He smiled widely and ran toward them. _Not even gonna hesitate to get in a stranger's car. Okay._

"Ooh where are we going? Am I being kidnapped? That's number seventeen on my list of most sexy danger scenarios." Jay bounced up and down beside Missy.

Iris chuckled, this kid was a freak. "You looked like you needed a ride, I'll drop you off after the nerd."

Missy squirmed, "Wouldn't it make more sense to drop Jay off first? Also Mom and Dad said you aren't allowed to-"

"Mom and Dad would want this lil weirdo to get home safe and sound, so if you want the same for yourself then maybe lay the hell off."

The only person who spoke for the rest of the drive was Jay who used the opportunity to test out his various magic tricks. She knew Missy would definitely snitch but at least she had a pretty good excuse. She dropped her off and arrived at Jay's house.

Iris tried to appear nonchalant. "Wanna show me around?"

"Uh yyyes!" He said excitedly. "Is this happening right now?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Maybe in a few years, Jay." She laughed.

They made their way into the disaster of a house, clothes, empty cans and bottles, and sports equipment littered the entryway.

Jay seemed cautious. "I don't think Kurt and Val are home yet; there's no traps."

"Why's it so dim in here?"

He laughed, "Trust me, you do _not_ want to turn the lights up."

"I'll take your word for it." She muttered.

Lorraine appeared in a puff of smoke. "How many people even live here? I've seen like eight hockey sticks!"

There was a family photo hanging on a wall beside them. The three boys all had their arms around each other and their parents stood behind them smiling proudly. _They actually look normal... _

"That's my favourite picture." Jay said proudly. "Dad gave Val and Kurt each ten bucks to put their arms around me. It was awesome!"

Iris frowned. "Wow they really are assholes, huh?"

"Val and Kurt? Nah they're the coolest. I wanna be just like them and my Dad one day."

"Nah, screw them. Do your own thing. Even if it's gay ass magic." She smiled and flicked him on the ear.

"What the fuck?" Val's voice rang out. Him and Kurt had gotten home and were standing in the doorway. Kurt's face was bored as expected but Val's usual smirk was replaced with a scowl.

Jay's face lit up. "Hey guys meet my-"

Val shoved past him and grabbed her wrist. "Yeah we go to school together, moron." He pulled her up the stairs and into a room she assumed was his.

"What are you doing in my house?" He clearly didn't bring girls home too often, judging by how messy his room and the rest of his house were.

"I was giving Jay a ride home." Iris shrugged coyly, this was exactly the reaction she was hoping to get from him. She walked slowly around the room, looking at the posters on the walls. Some mumble rappers and the classic Pink Floyd body paint one that was sold at every Spencer's in the country. "Didn't know you like Floyd." She commented.

He shook his head in irritation. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

She rolled her eyes and sauntered over to him, drinking in how frustrated he was. She stopped just inches from his face, his thick brows furrowed.

"Look, as much as this is kinda hot, you can't just show up at my place like this, my family's kinda..." He trailed off, searching for the right words.

The raven haired girl swallowed her growing nerves and tried to appear confident. She slipped a hand past his red hoodie and trailed it along his chest up to his shoulder. His expression didn't change but she felt his hands rest on her hips. She ran her fingers through his silky chestnut hair and smirked. "I could leave if you want."

He leaned down and planted a kiss on her collarbone, and then another on her jawline. "Well as long as you're here." He bit down on the sensitive skin of her neck causing her to gasp loudly. He pulled away and looked at her, his mischievous smile back in full force.

"What?" She asked shortly.

Val chuckled, "You're always so impatient." He kissed her hard, hands exploring each other's bodies. "I can't get enough of _this_." He hissed into her mouth as he slapped her ass gently. Her stomach felt like she had swallowed hot coals. She hated how much his man handling aroused her but she also couldn't give a shit right now.

She pressed her leg between his and ground against him, she could feel him getting harder against her thigh. He shed his hoodie and she pulled his t-shirt up over his head, enjoying the feeling of his warm skin and toned arms.

"Mmm, Val..." She whispered against his lips. He pushed her backwards onto the bed and crawled on top of her, his deep brown eyes hazy with lust. He pressed a couple light kisses to her stomach, giving her chills, before he lifted her shirt and cupped her breasts. He lapped and sucked at her nipple eliciting a low groan. "F-fuck!" She cursed under her breath.

Iris took her shirt the rest of the way off and tossed it of the floor. He came back up to her face and met her full lips, their tongues intertwined playfully. She rolled them over so he was on his back and started to make her way down to his waist, leaving wet kisses and little bites as she went. She wasn't quite sure what she was doing but when she had made the decision to go to his place she decided she wanted to have the control this time. She undid his pants and he kicked off his green sneakers. She pulled his jeans off to reveal his blue boxers that did very little to hide his erection. Her freckled cheeks burned and she suddenly felt self conscious of his eyes on her.

Val snickered, "Aw, is the virgin blushing? I'll have to fill those cheeks with a different colour."

Iris blushed harder and muttered about how annoying he was. She pulled down his boxers, his cock sprung out from beneath them. She gripped it in one hand, it was a decent size compared to the ones she had seen the few times she watched porn. Much bigger then the unsolicited pictures she'd received from guys at school. She began to pump up and down his shaft at a steady rhythm, he ran his hands through his hair and shuddered at her touch.

She leaned in and ran her tongue from the base to the tip and swirled it around the head a few times. His breathing was becoming heavier and he rested his hand on the back of her head. She took a few inches into her mouth and bobbed her head up and down while working the rest with her left hand.

"Goddamn, Iris." He growled in a husky voice. She started taking more of him into her mouth and he pressed her head down softly.

She moaned around his girth and he grabbed the bed sheets with his other fist. She reached down into her pants and started touching herself, she was so turned on she couldn't resist.

"Is sucking my dick making you wet?" He grunted between breaths.

She hummed and looked up, locking eyes with him. Not looking away, she took his whole length in her mouth, relishing his cocky expression coming undone. She quickened the pace and his head rolled back onto his pillow in pleasure.

Without any warning he released into her throat, holding her head as she drank his load.

"Fuck!" Val shouted, finally letting go of her.

She rolled onto the bed next to him, both panting heavily. He tried to pull her in for a kiss but she punched his arm. "Give me a warning next time, asshole!"

He grinned, "So you're saying that there'll be a next time."

"Ugh." She got up and retrieved her shirt off the floor. "Where's the bathroom?"

He looked puzzled. "What's the rush? Wanna stick around for round 2."

She threw his pants at him and pulled her shirt on. "No time, I'm still in shit for going to the party. Gotta head home."

"Second door on the right."

Val walked her to her car reluctantly, he knew that little freak Jay was watching from the living room. He almost asked her to stay just to hang out but what the fuck was the point of that? He didn't want her to think this meant anything more then a way for him to get his dick wet.

"So this was fun, never set foot in my house again though."

She smiled slightly, "I definitely won't, that place is disgusting."

An uncomfortable silence passed between the two. She always looked so unimpressed and now was no different. It made him oddly self conscious.

Iris sighed and got in her car, muttered a goodbye and drove away. Val watched her go then went back inside, he slammed the door and pinched the bridge of his nose in anger. _Why am I such a pussy?_


End file.
